I think it is difficult to move forward from some of the hurts of the past. We fain the effort and yet the thoughts will resurface over and over again over time, over a lifetime. You may think, I’ll “Get Over it”. But you don’t.
There is a plethora of advice out there to help a person move beyond the issues that they have. You can go to therapy, take medications, self medicate, and yet, what really works? People damage other people. That is a fact, and sometimes only that other person can help to resolve the pain.
There are things like unresolved relationship issues, words left unspoken with friends, memories that you have with people who have passed away, and just the contentiousness of situations that happen in life.
There are sayings that talk about letting others fill your head.
It’s not always so easy
When you love someone with all of your being, it isn’t easy to let go of things. You look past the problems that are there, and want to find that common ground and get back to a positive energy place. Life is already hard enough and losing people you love is the hardest.
There are two situations that makes things extra hard to get closure.
A Person Who Has Passed Away
How do you make amends? I think this is so hard because grief is a tremendous burden. Having unfinished business with a friend, someone you’re estranged with, or a family member is very difficult particularly when they have died. There is no path to return to. There really is no way to get closure.
Some days we distract ourselves to forget and move forward with our life. But where there is connection, there is grief. What could I have done to make it better? What could I have done to bridge the gaps to get us back on the right track. Holding a grudge is a horrible thing if a person is trying to get back in your good graces.
No one wants to have those moments stuck in their head for the rest of their life. We all should be better. They say when someone has died that they should rest in peace. But maybe if you don’t let the living have some peace, you too will have to wait to resolve the issues of the past before you will get true peace. So if I can make a plea to the living, find a way.
A Person Who Refuses to Talk
I used to believe that time would heal all wounds. That at some point people do come around and will listen to someone who they had a past with. Someone who truly comes to them with a real effort to bridge the gaps, fix the miscommunications, and let the past be the past, so we could grow and return to a relationship that would matter, or even not so much matter, but not filled with contention.
Grudges
We all hold them. People, our friends and family have done something that rubbed us the wrong way, and it was way out of line, and now we refuse to speak with them. We hold these grudges as penalty for bad behavior. In many cases rightfully so. After all, why do we need to allow drama back in our lives?
Ice should melt in time. People live, people learn. If you don’t believe that people do grow and have experiences that change them and make them better you would be mistaken. We are the sum of all of our life experiences and we have the capacity to be a better person. Give people a chance after time to come back, if they seek you out. Not all relationships have to end, they can be placed on pause. Like it or not, as we meet people and interact with them, we get to have a little part of each other as the take away. It’s energy, it’s sharing moments of time that neither of you will ever get back. Hopefully some of those moments are wonderful.
And so
I’m writing this in the winter of 2022. The world is a year coming out of COVID, parts of the world are still being affected by it. If you’re like me, you’ve had friends that have died. Friends that have become distant, and the world has become a cold place, and I’m not talking about the weather. We can change. We can do better. There is no better time than now.